I think I was the third person in the world to get a Kindle, and I hated it from the minute I got it.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers

Profession: Humorist
Nationality: American

Some suggestions for you :

Prince Charles is so funny. So, so funny.

Trust me, there's not one night a week I'm not in a theater somewhere. I adore theater, and I go out with friends, so I do have some nights off.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

I was not an attractive child. When I didn't use my Girl Scouts uniform as a uniform, I used it as a tent.

I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Don't tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won't respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, 'Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.

If you're saying the same line 10 times and making it look like you just came up with it, that's acting.

There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

I just love acting.

Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.

I didn't want to do 'Fashion Police' because I thought, 'This is stupid, this is beneath me, who wants to talk about fashion?' It has taken off. We are the number one show in England on E! Who knew?