Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

Some suggestions for you :

Man is the only animal that learns by being hypocritical. He pretends to be polite and then, eventually, he becomes polite.

Life with Mary was like being in a telephone booth with an open umbrella-no matter which way you turned you got it in the eye.

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speak by something outside himself like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

The average healthy well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck-if you survive you start looking very carefully to the right and left.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.