It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.

Some suggestions for you :

When I came back to Dublin I was court-martialled in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

I am a drinker with writing problems.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

Every man, through fear, mugs his aspirations a dozen times a day.

The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.

One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.

Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.