It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.

Some suggestions for you :

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.

If you greatly desire something, have the guts to stake everything on obtaining it.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.

I wish I'd been a mixed infant.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

I say myself no depressed words just depressed minds.

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

What an author likes to write most is his signature on the back of a cheque.

If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.

The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.