Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

Some suggestions for you :

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Oh what a tangled web do parents weave When they think that their children are nave.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.