A man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks.

Some suggestions for you :

Some people have such a talent for making the best of a bad situation that they go around creating bad situations so they can make the best of them.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck-if you survive you start looking very carefully to the right and left.

One of the most difficult things to contend with in a hospital is that assumption on the part of the staff that because you have lost your gall bladder you have also lost your mind.

Now the thing about having a baby - and I can't be the first person to have noticed this - is that thereafter you have it.

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.

Hope is the feeling you have that the feeling you have isnt permanent.

Even though a number of people have tried, no one has ever found a way to drink for a living.

Life with Mary was like being in a telephone booth with an open umbrella-no matter which way you turned you got it in the eye.

I feel about airplanes the way I feel about diets. It seems to me that they are wonderful things for other people to go on.

I make mistakes; I'll be the second to admit it.

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help.

I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being skin deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?