No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.

Some suggestions for you :

It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.

Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

I wish I'd been a mixed infant.

I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one's lost self.

All publicity is good, except an obituary notice.

If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

It is a good deed to forget a poor joke.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

When I came back to Dublin I was courtmartialed in my absence and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

If you accept your limitations you go beyond them.

He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.