Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.

Some suggestions for you :

We should not permit prayer to be taken out of the schools; that's the only way most of us got through.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

It's a good thing that when God created the rainbow he didn't consult a decorator or he would still be picking colors.

You must pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

The difference between keeping things clean and keeping kids clean was that things just sat still and waited for the dirt to collect. We kids were carriers. We ran a pickup and delivery service.

Brothers are children of the same parents, each of whom is perfectly normal until they get together.