I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

Robert Orben

Robert Orben

Profession: Author
Nationality: American

Some suggestions for you :

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.

Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.

I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff.

Telling a joke is risk taking. Younger people are more insecure and not willing to put themselves on the line, so a quick one-liner is much safer.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

President Ford used humor a great deal.

Remember the days when you let your child have some chocolate if he finished his cereal? Now, chocolate is one of the cereals.