Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace.

Some suggestions for you :

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.