My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.

Some suggestions for you :

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corset and watch her spread to death.

I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

A smile is a curve that sets things right.