Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

Some suggestions for you :

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace.

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.