Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Some suggestions for you :
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Housework won't kill you, but then again, why take the chance?