It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

Some suggestions for you :

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Babies are such a nice way to start people.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

Don't ever slam a door, you might want to go back.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.