Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves or anyone else and hope for the best.
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.