Because you believed I was capable of behaving decently, I did.
All of my efforts had been bent on reward; I had not understood that when we want something, we have to have a clear purpose in mind for the thing we want. The only reason for seeking a reward is to know what to do with that reward.
I am in the Aleph, the point at which everything is in the same place at the same time. I'm at a window, looking out at the world and its secret places, poetry lost in time and words left hanging in space...sentences that are perfectly understood, even when left unspoken. Feelings that simultaneously exalt and suffocate.
After a certain age, we put on a mask of confidence and certainty. In time, that mask gets stuck to our face and we can't remove it. As children, we learn that if we cry we'll receive affection, that if we show we're sad, we'll be consoled. If we can't get what we want with a smile, then we can surely do so with our tears.