Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.