The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

Some suggestions for you :

What connection is there, President, between this uncanny creature and the disappearance of Lord Beltham, of which we were talking at dinner?

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.

Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

In your country and mine we should have the privilege of making fun of this kind of morality, but it would be unkind to do it here.Many of these people have the reasoning faculty, but no one uses it in religious matters.

There is no such thing as "the Queen's English." The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns a lesson he can learn in no other way.

Who gave his angels eternal happiness unearned, yet required his other children to earn it?

A home without a cat — and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat — may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.