If the writer doesn't sweat, the reader will.

Some suggestions for you :

If a stranger called and interrupted you, you said with your hearty tongue, "I'm glad to see you," and said with your heartier soul, "I wish you were with the cannibals and it was dinner-time."

Do I know you? I know you clear through. I was born and raised in the South, and I've lived in the North; so I know the average all around. The average man's a coward.

Oh, I dasn't, Mars Tom. Ole missis she'd take an' tar de head off'n me. 'Deed she would.

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.

I know grammar by ear only, not by note, not by the rules.

I don't see any use in finding out things and clogging up my head with them when I mayn't ever have any occasion to use 'em.

Poor little doggie, you saved HIS child!

She never used large words, but she had a natural gift for making small ones do effective work.

Quitting smoking is easy Ive done it hundreds of times.

He said if he ever got out this time he wouldn't ever be a prisoner again, not for a salary.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Don't use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.

Tom Sawyer said I was a numskull.