To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Some suggestions for you :

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Children and fools always speak the truth.

To the rear, sir—he's lost his leg!

I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untax.

It is some more Moral Sense. The proprietors are rich, and very holy; but the wage they pay to these poor brothers and sisters of theirs is only enough to keep them from dropping dead with hunger.

Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience of critics.

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

Three months of camp life on Lake Tahoe would restore an Egyptian mummy to his pristine vigor, and give him an appetite like an alligator.

We used to trust in God. I think it was in 1863 that some genius suggested that it be put upon the gold and silver coins which circulated among the rich. They didn't put it on the nickels and coppers because they didn't think the poor folks had any trust in God.

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.

I freighted a leaf with a mental message for the friends at home, and dropped it in the stream. But I put no stamp on it and it was held for postage somewhere.