Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
My father never raised his hand to any one of his children, except in self-defense.