Children and fools always speak the truth.

Some suggestions for you :

The only man who behaved sensibly was my tailor; he took my measurement anew every time he saw me, while all the rest went on with their old measurements and expected them to fit me.

There ain't no harm in a hound, nohow.

If a stranger called and interrupted you, you said with your hearty tongue, "I'm glad to see you," and said with your heartier soul, "I wish you were with the cannibals and it was dinner-time."

This book is merely a personal narrative, and not a pretentious history or a philosophical dissertation. It is a record of several years of variegated vagabondizing, and it's object is rather to help the resting reader while away an idle hour than afflict him with metaphysics, or goad him with science.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you want.

Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Inherently, each one of us has the substance within to achieve whatever our goals and dreams define. What is missing from each of us is the training, education, knowledge and insight to utilize what we already have.

What you doin' with this gun?

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy, and I think I might have developed into a very capable pickpocket if I had remained in the public service a year or two.

Jimmy Finn was not burned in the calaboose, but died a natural death in a tan vat, of a combination of delirium tremens and spontaneous combustion. When I say natural death, I mean it was a natural death for Jimmy Finn.

True love is the only heart disease that is best left to "run on"--the only affection of the heart for which there is no help, and none desired.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so.

I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.

Always—from all companies, high or low—she went forth richer in honor and esteem than when she came.