Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.