Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.
It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
The most important days in your life are the day you were born… and the day you find out why.
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.
I love to hear myself talk, because I get so much instruction and moral upheaval out of it.