If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve the present, what comes later will also be better.
Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death? Stop thinking all the time that you're in the way, that you're bothering the person next to you. If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem.
Listen to your heart beating, follow the thoughts you can't control, control your desire to get up at once and to do something useful. Sit for a few minutes each day, doing nothing, getting as much as you can out of that time.