When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Cincinnati because it's always 20 years behind the times.
When in doubt tell the truth. It will confound your enemies and astound your friends.
When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.
When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who have gone on to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.
When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them – then the rest will be valuable. They weaken when they are close together. They give strength when they are wide apart.
What's gone with that boy, I wonder? You TOM!
When a man's dog turns against him it is time for a wife to pack her trunk and go home to mama.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.