Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!
W. C. Fields
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting?