Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them…well I have others.

He [Harpo] loved life and lived it joyously and deeply and that's about as good an epitaph as anyone can have.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

Hail, hail Freedonia, land of the free!

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Anything that can't be done in bed isn't worth doing at all.