Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.