Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about things.

Beds are dangerous. More people die in bed than anywhere else.

I like children - fried.

I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.

The news of my death is greatly exaggerated.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.