All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.