I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

You can't have everything... where would you put it?