I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. Erma Bombeck
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven. Erma Bombeck
There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids. Erma Bombeck
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck