A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.