If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?'

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.