Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

You can't go around hoping that most people have sterling moral characters. The most you can hope for is that people will pretend that they do.

All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?

My favorite animal is steak.