I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Some suggestions for you :

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

I like children. If they're properly cooked.

Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?

Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.

There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.