His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

Some suggestions for you :

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

No, thanks. I already own a penguin.

Am I my brother's keeper? Yes. Interestingly, in my case, I share that honor with the Prospect Park Zoo.

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O'Neill were laughing.

I foresee death by culture shock.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

The most expensive sex is free sex.

The heart is a very, very resilient little muscle. It really is.

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is French-kiss her.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Never shoot up in the air when you're standing under it.

Marshall McLuhan predicted books would become art objects at some point. He was right.