I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

Some suggestions for you :

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

The whole motivation for any performer is Look at me Ma.

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.

Communism is like one big phone company.

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line - right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.