I didn't attend the funeral, but I sen.. Mark Twain

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Funny Death

Mark Twain

Profession: Author
Nationality: American

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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.

It seems manifest, then, that the latter tongue (German) ought to be trimmed down and repaired. If it is to remain as it is, it ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.

I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell, you see, I have friends in both places.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Tom's whole being applauded this idea. It was deep, and dark, and awful; the hour, the circumstances, the surroundings, were in keeping with it.

I had nothing to do but listen to the pattering of the fountains and take medicine and throw it up again. It was dangerous recreation, but it was pleasanter than traveling in Syria.

A square, flat-roofed hovel, neatly frescoed, with its wall-tops gallantly bastioned and turreted with dried camel-refuse, gives to a landscape a feature that is exceedingly festive and picturesque, especially if one is careful to remember to stick in a cat wherever, about the premises, there is room for a cat to sit.

She never used large words, but she had a natural gift for making small ones do effective work.

I desire to tamper with the jury law. I wish to alter it as to put a premium on intelligence and character, and close the jury box against idiots, blacklegs, and people who do not read newspapers.

An injurious lie is an uncommendable thing and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth--a fact that is recognized by the law of libel. Among other common lies we have the silent lie – the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth.

The quality of certain scraps of verse which take hold of us and stay in our memories, we do not understand why, at first: all the words being the right words, none of them is conspicuous, and so they all seem inconspicuous, therefore we wonder what it is about them that makes their message take hold.

It doesn't matter the size of the dog in the fight, rather the size of the fight in the dog.

To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.

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