Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.

Some suggestions for you :

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

Golf may be a hussy, but I love her.

Why resist temptation? There will always be more.

A humorist is a person who feels bad, but who feels good about it.

Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we would never need solace.

Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.

The beggar is the only person in the universe not obliged to study appearance.

Poverty must have many satisfactions, else there would not be so many poor people.

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it.

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

The brighter you are, the more you have to learn.

There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.

It takes a lot of things to prove you are smart, but only one thing to prove you are ignorant.