Everybody has to believe in something… I believe I'll have another drink.
W. C. Fields
Some suggestions for you :
Drowned in a vat of whiskey... Oh Death, where is thy sting?
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Beds are dangerous. More people die in bed than anywhere else.
Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.