I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.
Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality.
If your friend don't make fun of you, they're not really your friends.
Two people are never such good friends as when they share a mutual dislike of a third person.
A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.
It is important for our friends to believe we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.
The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too dark to read.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and he's a consultant.
Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.
I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight'.
The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Ham and eggs - a day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen".
Only men who are not interested in women are interested in women's clothes. Men who like women never notice what they wear.
She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say "when".
A woman's dress should be a like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.
If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.
Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
Style is when they're running you out of town and you make it look like you're leading the parade.