The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.

You are what  what you eat eats.

He was a bold man that first did eat oyster.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and he's a consultant.

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.

I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight'.

In Mexico, we have a word for sushi: bait.

The two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.

Cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.

Never eat more than you can lift.

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Ham and eggs - a day's work for a chicken; a lifetime commitment for a pig.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.

The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen".

Those who drink to drown their sorrows should be told that sorrows know how to swim.

It is kind of ironic that they caution pregnant women not to drink alcohol in case it harms the baby. If it wasn't for alcohol most women wouldn't be that way.

I was one drink away from a tattoo.

Wine is sunlight, held together by water.

I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.

The hard thing about being bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

American beer is served cold so you can tell it from urine.

Hangover: the wrath of grapes.

99% of all problems can be solved by money and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

I am not a heavy drinker. Sometimes I can go hours without a drink.

In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst twenty minute of my life.

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

Beer makes you smarter. It made bud wiser.

Between the revolution and the firing squad there is always time for a bottle of champagne.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks just as much as you do.

Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems.

I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around.

Pain makes you stronger. Tears make you braver. Heartbreak makes you wiser. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap.

There are more old drunks than there are old doctors.

Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!

Drinking beer doesn't make you fat, it makes to lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.

Beer is the reason I get out of bed every afternoon.

The problem with Marxism is the proletariat isn't going to rise up against capitalism. The only time they'll rise up is during a commercial break to either go to the bathroom a grab more beer.

Everybody has to believe in something… I believe I'll have another drink.

I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline-it helps if you have some kind of football team , or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.