Marriage is the death of hope.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
It's a wonderful thing to be able to create your own world whenever you want to.
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone you love.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
To be loved, certainly, is different from being admired, as one can be admired from afar but to really love someone it is essential to be in the same room with the person, crouching behind the drapes.
The wicked at heart probably know something.
The most expensive sex is free sex.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
What if nothing exists and were all in somebodys dream Or whats worse what if only that fat guy in the third row exists.
Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.
I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.
Eternity is awful long time, especially towards the end.
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.
Analysis has helped, but not as much as I've wanted. Years ago, I remember, I brought my clarinet into the repair shop, and the guy took two weeks and put new pads on and everything. When I went in, I said, 'Thank you, but am I going to sound better?' And he said, 'Yes, you will sound better, but not as much as you'd like to.