The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.
So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
I guess the only way to stop divorce is to stop marriage.
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.
Plans get you into things but you've got to work your way out.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
One revolution is like one cocktail, it just gets you organized for the next.
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.