I always cook with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.
Everybody has to believe in something… I believe I'll have another drink.
When I tell you to go out and tell one of these palookas that I'm out, go out and tell 'em I'm out. Don't have these buzzards walk in on me. When I don't wanna see 'em I don't...don't look at me that way.
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Come my flocks, my flower. I have some very definite pear-shaped ideas I'd like to discuss with thee.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
Don't be a luddy-duddy! Don't be a mooncalf! Don't be a jabbernowl! You're not those, are you?
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.