It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.
I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
At one point he decided enough was enough.
People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.
Real life? Well, I just hope mine isn't investigated. They might find that I don't really exist - that I'm just a hologram.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
I'm addicted to placebos.
I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
I was in a grocery store. I saw a sign that said 'pet supplies.' So I did. Then I went outside and saw a sign that said, 'Compact cars.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
I'm so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.