Never knowingly be serious. Rule 27.

I don't want to think that the stories are finite; I want to feel that they can go on forever.

I know this is going to sound very self-serving, and I apologize for it, but if you can write comedy, you can pretty much write anything, because it's the hardest. It's the most technically demanding, the most precisely evaluated form of writing. People know if it works or not. There's a big button marked 'fail,' and that's when nobody laughs.

All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage.

I can't see what's wrong about assuming intelligence in your audience and what's bad news about being rewarded for assuming that.

If you don't expect to like someone and then you do, that's an incredibly exciting moment.

Like most writers, I write about what has happened to me as that involves the minimum amount of research.

I never go online. The Internet stuff is bonkers. You must not look at it.

The universe is big. It's vast and complicated and ridiculous. And sometimes—very rarely—impossible things just happen and we call them miracles.

There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick.

I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a story with lots of jokes in it - I wouldn't know how to do jokes without the story.

Don't be Lasagne - The Doctor.

I hope I won't become hated by geeks everywhere, but I don't really know comic books all that well.

People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.

The way you get your script to the right people is that you put it in an envelope. It's easy. The difficult bit is writing something that is so good people will take a punt on a brand new writer.

I always rip out the last page of a book, then it doesn't have to end. I hate endings.

We're all stories, in the end.

We all change, when you think about it. We're all different people all through our lives. And that's OK, that's good, you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.

Never run when you're scared. Rule 7.

The Doctor: Oh, now what's this, then? I love this. A big, flashy-lighty thing. That's what brought me here. Big, flashy-lighty things have got me written all over them. Not actually, but give me time... and a crayon.

Madness is what genius looks like to a small mind.

Being the only writer on a successful show is very rewarding.

What's the point of being a grown-up if you don't get to be immature?

You want weapons? We're in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!

Always take a banana to a party.

To me, a 'brand' sounds evil.

You don't just give up. You don't just let things happen. You make a stand! You say no! You have the guts to do what's right, even when everyone else just runs away.

It's a TV show. Only the emotional damage is real.

I think training in comedy, as it were, a history writing comedy, is a powerful tool for anyone.

The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and...bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things or make them unimportant.

You don't want to take over the universe. You wouldn't know what to do with it beyond shout at it.

The universe is big, its vast and complicated, and ridiculous. And sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen and we call them miracles. And that's the theory. Nine hundred years, never seen one yet, but this would do me.

Time travel. One-man time travel, basically. Pop the strap on your wrist, and off you go. Top security rating of any item here—no one can know we have this, not even our allies.' ‘Why not?' ‘Are you serious? Americans with the ability to rewrite history? You've seen their news coverage.

My problem is that the audience is more fiction-literate than ever. In Shakespeare's day, you probably expected to see a play once or twice in your life; today you experience four or five different kinds of fiction every day. So staying ahead of the audience is impossible.

I don't know. I can't tell the future I just work there.

See the bowtie? I wear it and I don't care. That's why it's cool.

There are two events in everybody's life that nobody remembers. Two moments experienced by every living thing. Yet no one remembers anything about them. Nobody remembers being born and nobody remembers dying. Is that why we always stare into the eye sockets of a skull? Because we're asking, What was it like? Does it hurt? Are you still scared?

Never trust a hug. It's just a way to hide your face.

Brainy's the new sexy.

The day you lose someone isn't the worst -at least you've got something to do- it's all the days they stay dead.

So is this how it works Doctor? You never interfere with the affairs of other peoples or planets, unless there are children crying?

When writing comedy, you have to have the confidence to believe that there is only one type of relationship in the world, and we are all having it, that all men behave in the same way and so do all women.

Maybe I'm in Hell. That's okay, I'm not scared of Hell - it's just Heaven for bad people.

Cinema is so slow and boring compared to television.

The Doctor: Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink.

Good is good in the final hour, in the deepest pit – without hope, without witness, without reward. Virtue is only virtue in extremis.

Nothing's sad till it's over. Then everything is.

Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great.

I've finally run out of corridor. There's a life summed up.