I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.
I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day.
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.