The bears bear hard hard yarn yarns you are unlikely to be confused.

It doesn't matter if you never see someone again, I told myself. There are millions of people in the world, and most of them never see each other in the first place.

If you are going to hear the work of the world's greatest composers, you will have to allow for a little murder here and there. […] Those who want justice can go to the police, but those who want something a little more interesting should go to the orchestra!

A great man once said that right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Besides getting several paper cuts in the same day or receiving the news that someone in your family has betrayed you to your enemies, one of the most unpleasant experiences in life is a job interview.

Telling an adult to go see something for themselves always works. They never take your word for it. They always, always, have to go see, and Hungry was no different.

If you have ever slept in a covered casserole dish on the highest peak of a mountain range, then you know that it is an uncomfortable place to lay one's head, even if you find a dish towel inside it that can serve as a blanket.

Fetching objects for people who are too lazy to fetch them for themselves is never a pleasant task, particularly when the people are insulting you.

Anyone who gives you a cinnamon roll fresh out of the oven is a friend for life.

In an emergency, one often learns that one's companions can be of even less help in extraordinary circumstances than they are during an average evening.

I give up, Mr. Poe said, and coughed into his handkerchief. Five hundred is too much to pay for a big herring statue.

Don't talk, Snicket," Theodora said. "Fools talk while wise people listen, so listen up and I'll tell you how we will solve this case sensibly and properly.

Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two--a schism or a death, a fire or a mutiny, the loss of a home or the destruction of a tea set.

Blinded following the Blindfolded.

It was another thing you didn't learn at a top-drawer school. Bickering is like baldness or lousy gifts. It runs in families.

For Beatrice - you will always be in my mind, in my heart and in your grave.

A young man who asks too much about clothing will find himself the subject of unflattering rumors.

I can't think of a story that doesn't have something terrible in it. Otherwise, it's dull. So when I embarked into the world of picture books, my first thought was to do something about the dark.

When you think of me," she said quietly, "think of a food you love very much.

I don't think people have made staples by hand since the fifteenth century.

A short woman might be difficult to see on a crowded city street, particularly if she has disguised herself as a mailbox, and people keep putting letters in her mouth.

The siblings wished that if Mr. Poe were really jealous of them he would attend Prufrock Preparatory School himself, and they could work at the bank.

There are many, many things that are difficult in this life, but one thing that isn't difficult at all is figuring out whether someone is excited or not when they open a present.

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.

Nothing firms up a friendship like a good-natured argument.

Sometimes, the information you need is not in the most obvious place.

If you are baking a pie for your friends, and you read an article entitled 'How to Build a Chair' instead of a cookbook, you pie will probably end up tasting like wood and nails instead of like crust and fruity filling.

Do the scary thing first, and get scared later.

A secret note is secret. There is no reason to sign it.

Bad circumstances have a way of ruining things that would otherwise be pleasant.

No matter how much one reads, the whole story can never be told.

The children had been using these spatulas as oars, but rowing a boat is very hard work, particularly if one's traveling companions are too busy bragging to help out, and Violet was trying to think of a way they might move the boat faster.

It is now necessary for me to use the rather hackneyed phrase 'meanwhile, back at the ranch.' The word 'hackneyed' here means 'used by so, so many writers that by the time Lemony Snicket uses it, it is a tiresome cliché.

I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, but it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.

It's an important skill to know when not to say anything. It's not a skill that came naturally to me then, nor does it come naturally now, nor do I expect it to come naturally to me until I am dead, when I will be very, very good at it.

The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.

You're noble enough, Baudelaires. That's all we can ask for in this world.

Terrible accidents, I have found, are often odd.

But unlike this book, the dictionary also discusses words that are far more pleasant to contemplate. The word 'bubble' is in the dictionary, for instance, as is the word 'peacock,' the word 'vacation,' and the words 'the' 'author's' 'execution' 'has' 'been' 'canceled,' which makes a sentence that is always pleasant to hear.

It depends on how you look at it.

Coach Genghis rather.

Morning is one of the best times for thinking. When one has just woken up, but hasn't yet gotten out of bed, it is a perfect time to look up at the ceiling, consider one's life, and wonder what the future will hold.

How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet, and Klaus were so surprised they almost dropped the lamp. It was Stephano, or, if you prefer, it was Count Olaf. It was the bad guy.

If you are a baby, your family will sere you in your underwear many times, and there's no use being embarrassed about it.

Literature doesn't exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things about the person of which you were not previously aware.

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough.

No one's interesting in their story," Count Olaf said scornfully. "Even if you wrote down every last detail, no one would read such a dreadful thing.

People who say money doesn't matter are like people who say cake doesn't matter—it's probably because they've already had a few slices.