Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.
It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.
There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.
As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith.
We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.
An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.
After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.
A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.
Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.
I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity.
Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.
Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.
The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.
The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.
Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.
Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.
Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid.
Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.
Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.
If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.
Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.
A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends.
The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.
It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.
If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public.
There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.
Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower.
No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.
It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.
A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.
Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.
It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness poverty and wealth have both failed.